One year of Covid has brought stress, anxiety and isolation for many of us. And I very much include children in this statement. For many children, their self-esteem has taken a serious knock during lockdown. With almost a year of home schooling, no out of school activities and prolonged time away from family and friends, it’s no wonder our children may be struggling with anxiety.
Here are some ways you as parents and carers can help your children to ensure that their self-esteem is in tip top shape.
Deal with your own anxieties first
More than 50% of women and men alike are presenting low-esteem due to the restrictions that the pandemic has brought about. So if you’re feeling that way, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. However, if you’re a parent, it’s essential that you deal with these issues so that you don’t let your fears and anxieties filter onto your child. If you have any concerns yourself, work hard to deal with them otherwise your child will pick up on them. Children are like sponges, they absorb things. Make the switch to a growth mindset so that you can deal with those negative thoughts (I’ve got more practical tips on Growth Mindset coming up in another blog soon). It’s so important that you try to keep what you say to your child as positive as you can.
Hear your child
It’s time to really listen to them. Be aware of your intention when talking, and most importantly listening to your child. Give them time to talk, get down on their level and really be present for them. Let them talk about their worries and always have an open mind. Offer them ways to tackle their worries proactively. What can you do together to make that worry go away?
Discuss the big stuff in a small way
Don’t hide the reality of the situation from your children. Be available to chat through what’s worrying them, to help them understand, but do it in a small, subtle way - whilst you’re driving, watching TV together or doing the dishes. Maybe for younger children ask them to draw a picture of their worries.
Children naturally have enquiring minds and especially as they get older (10+), they will want to know and understand everything. This is because they want to feel in control. So right now there may be more questions than usual. Encourage open conversation in a natural way. They want answers, opinions, thoughts, guidance. Let them know that you’re there for them. Always.
Be kind
Reassurance is everything right now. So make sure your children know you are present. Children, especially as they get older, are full of emotions and can be volatile. They can switch from one emotion to another in a nanosecond. Go with it, tread carefully and be kind. Yes, you still need to parent and you need to be constructive in your input. Just remember, no matter how frustrating things are right now, you need to be warm, kind and positive.
Give them jobs to do
Children love to feel needed, part of ‘the team’ and useful. So don’t shy away from giving them age appropriate chores to do. Chores are great for boosting self-esteem so long as the chore is achievable! Once they’ve completed their job, praise them which will boost their confidence.
Get them to set some goals
Goal setting is a brilliant way to boost self-esteem and confidence. And this works for children of all ages. Having something to do, a goal, gives your child a purpose and a sense of responsibility. We know from our own experience that completing a goal makes us feel better about ourselves. We feel happy and accomplished. Well it’s just the same for kids. Help them create some achievable goals – break the big stuff down into smaller tasks – to encourage motivation. These will be skills that will not only help them now, as we ease out of lockdown, but also as they move through life.
Watch their screen time
Most children will have experienced a significant increase in their screen time during lockdown. This has been essential (school work) and not always a bad thing (spending ‘virtual’ time with their friends). However, as we ease out of lockdown, now is a good time to reset their screen time. It’s also a great time to reassess how they interact online. Much of what’s being said on social platforms can have a negative effect on confidence. Talk to them about who they are interacting with and ask for transparency on this. They won’t want to give you all of the details but setting some rules for times online, boundaries and limits are very important.
Be their role model
Children look to parents as their guide. Be the person you want your children to see. So when we talk about screen time, maybe think about the amount of time you spend on your phone. Lead by example. Talk positively about school, work, friendships. Share your own goals and aspiration with your children. Show them how it’s done!
If you have any questions or concerns relating to your child - around anxiety, self-esteem, confidence and learning - please do get in touch. I’d love to help you.
